And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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