I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
