He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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