Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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