Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
