NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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