i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
