I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
