he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
