I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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