Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
