I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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