The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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