nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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