It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
