R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
