wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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