This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I will be naked everywhere
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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