Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
