I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
