oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
