If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
