I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
