worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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