Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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