When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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