if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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