did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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