I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
