my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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