ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
