I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
