fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
