I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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