Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
