i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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