Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
