u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
