i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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