the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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