hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
