We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
