Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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