Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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