there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
