He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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