Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
