you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
