i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
