i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
