I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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