My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
