I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
