somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We had to coat check the pizza.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
