Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
