Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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